Hey Guys,
If any of you are in the NYC area, then I would love to meet you in person at our upcoming Free seminar, Tuesday June 16h from 7-8PM in the Manhattan Financial District. For more info and to register visit www.innerconfidence.com/blog/seminar
Hope to see you there.
-Robbo
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The DREADED Friend Zone
I found this on the Onion, it is hilarious and if you are finding yourself in this situation, you need immediate help! You can also read it here.
Do you have a girl (friend) who sounds like this?
I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?
I knew you would understand. You always do.
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.
Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Best friends. Friends forever.
Do you have a girl (friend) who sounds like this?
I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?
I knew you would understand. You always do.
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.
Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Best friends. Friends forever.
Monday, June 1, 2009
When to make the move...
Below is excerpt from our book, enjoy...
Im sure youve noticed a lot of pushy guys try to con a woman into giving him her number or force his business card on her. If they get the number, they win. If not, they lose. That is why people have a bad reaction to men hitting on women. Women are very savvy to this.
As soon as they feel manipulated or pressured, they will pull their energy away and
blow you out of the water. You may or may not be very intuitive and receptive to energy, but this will help you become more conscious of it, which will make life and dealing with women much easier for you.
Below is a scale called the Attract-O-Meter. On the left side is Aggressive and on the
right side is Passive. Most of you reading this book will fall into the “Passive” category.
Most really aggressive guys are very egotistical and are so aggressive that they will
eventually get a few women to bite, leaving them feeling really cool and macho—much
too cool to read a book like this.
{ ______________ I __________________}
Aggressive is on the left, and passive on the right.
Being passive is tragic, because if you are a passive pushover, you dont walk into
tension and ask women to take the next step, thus robbing them of the experience to be
with you. At the same time, you dont want to push women away by being too
aggressive. The higher quality women will not tolerate this type of behavior and will walk away.
In the Inner Confidence Intensive Workshop you get to practice this with beautiful
women who will give you feedback in the safety of the workshop.
During the workshop we encourage you to be aggressive so you can see just how far to
take things. You would be amazed just how aggressive you can be if you are grounded
in the dynamics. Brian and I have walked up to women and starting making out with
them in under fifteen seconds numerous times. A gorgeous woman I met in a bar
demanded that I take her home to bed after knowing her for five minutes! Believe it or not, when you are grounded with an open heart, you have more permission than you
think you have. And wed rather you experience this in a safe place. Because out in the
world, you may get a drink thrown in your face or you may get yelled at.
Now, if you are not so bold with people that they occasionally confuse you with an
aggressive pushy guy, you are playing it too safe. As a man, youve got to want them
badly and not apologize about it, but you cant be attached. Once you get attached, they may pull their energy away. Now, knowing what to do after they pull away is what
separates the men from the boys. In fact, many women will intentionally pull away to
“test” you to see just how badly you want them.
If you are not willing to fight for them or stick around when things get intense, how can they trust you? Here is the secret: when you start to get attached, simply admit it by calling it out with a smile. “Im feeling a little bit pushy, but how can you blame me?
Look at yourself, how can you not expect me to be turned on?” Just by saying it, you
can let it go and you can even tell them, “I am only telling you this because I want to give you the freedom to walk away. I dont want to push you into anything, and if you walk away it will hurt and Ill be sad, but I would rather you do that then be nice to avoid hurting my feelings.” Your role is to dance between the dynamics. You may occasionally get too aggressive but that is okay.
At any given time, the woman you are interacting with may be directing her energy
toward you or pulling away from you. Dont worry if she is pulling away from you a little bit. As we said before, she may be testing you, and if a woman does not test you, she is not interested. Women fall in love through resistance, and she has to test you to see if she can trust you with her emotions. If she leans away and every time you come crawling back begging and pleading with her to not be upset or angry with you, she will feel smothered and run.
It is okay to stand your ground, even if she is angry with you. Give her the gift of being angry and allow her to experience her emotions; they will pass quickly if you stop resisting them. Rub your hands together until they get hot and then move them so they are six inches apart. Can you still feel the connection between your hands? Thats like the connection between you and a woman. As your connection gets stronger, they will lean in to the point where your fingertips are touching, and then you may say something to trigger them or they will test you and lean away. You never know, but instead of playing tug-of-war with her, you dance with the dynamics.
How you respond to a womans energetic lean away and tests will determine how
successful you are with women.
Instead of making yourself wrong for causing their behavior, simply choose a dynamic to stand in, get curious with them. “I noticed you just seemed to pull away, is that true?” If they say “Yes,” ask them, “Whats that about?” That may be enough to have them lean back in. For other women, you might need to joke with them, playfully tease them, or get really bold and even challenge them. You may need to acknowledge them or connect with them. Whats funny is that this may cause them to lean away even more.
The most important thing is to pay more attention to the Attract -O-Meter then anything else. This means that you will have to learn how to dance between the dynamics to create more leaning in. As you get more grounded, present and fearless, youll become more intuitive about which dynamics to step into to create a stronger lean in. If you take anything from this section take this:
Unless you have a really strong lean in, do not ask them to take the next step with you!
In other words, the only time you ask her to take the next step with you, whether that be kissing her, getting her number, asking for a date—make sure you have a strong lean in. When the moment is right and she is leaning in, that is when you go for the kiss.
For more information about Dynamic Dating, please visit: www.innerconfidence.com/home.html
Im sure youve noticed a lot of pushy guys try to con a woman into giving him her number or force his business card on her. If they get the number, they win. If not, they lose. That is why people have a bad reaction to men hitting on women. Women are very savvy to this.
As soon as they feel manipulated or pressured, they will pull their energy away and
blow you out of the water. You may or may not be very intuitive and receptive to energy, but this will help you become more conscious of it, which will make life and dealing with women much easier for you.
Below is a scale called the Attract-O-Meter. On the left side is Aggressive and on the
right side is Passive. Most of you reading this book will fall into the “Passive” category.
Most really aggressive guys are very egotistical and are so aggressive that they will
eventually get a few women to bite, leaving them feeling really cool and macho—much
too cool to read a book like this.
{ ______________ I __________________}
Aggressive is on the left, and passive on the right.
Being passive is tragic, because if you are a passive pushover, you dont walk into
tension and ask women to take the next step, thus robbing them of the experience to be
with you. At the same time, you dont want to push women away by being too
aggressive. The higher quality women will not tolerate this type of behavior and will walk away.
In the Inner Confidence Intensive Workshop you get to practice this with beautiful
women who will give you feedback in the safety of the workshop.
During the workshop we encourage you to be aggressive so you can see just how far to
take things. You would be amazed just how aggressive you can be if you are grounded
in the dynamics. Brian and I have walked up to women and starting making out with
them in under fifteen seconds numerous times. A gorgeous woman I met in a bar
demanded that I take her home to bed after knowing her for five minutes! Believe it or not, when you are grounded with an open heart, you have more permission than you
think you have. And wed rather you experience this in a safe place. Because out in the
world, you may get a drink thrown in your face or you may get yelled at.
Now, if you are not so bold with people that they occasionally confuse you with an
aggressive pushy guy, you are playing it too safe. As a man, youve got to want them
badly and not apologize about it, but you cant be attached. Once you get attached, they may pull their energy away. Now, knowing what to do after they pull away is what
separates the men from the boys. In fact, many women will intentionally pull away to
“test” you to see just how badly you want them.
If you are not willing to fight for them or stick around when things get intense, how can they trust you? Here is the secret: when you start to get attached, simply admit it by calling it out with a smile. “Im feeling a little bit pushy, but how can you blame me?
Look at yourself, how can you not expect me to be turned on?” Just by saying it, you
can let it go and you can even tell them, “I am only telling you this because I want to give you the freedom to walk away. I dont want to push you into anything, and if you walk away it will hurt and Ill be sad, but I would rather you do that then be nice to avoid hurting my feelings.” Your role is to dance between the dynamics. You may occasionally get too aggressive but that is okay.
At any given time, the woman you are interacting with may be directing her energy
toward you or pulling away from you. Dont worry if she is pulling away from you a little bit. As we said before, she may be testing you, and if a woman does not test you, she is not interested. Women fall in love through resistance, and she has to test you to see if she can trust you with her emotions. If she leans away and every time you come crawling back begging and pleading with her to not be upset or angry with you, she will feel smothered and run.
It is okay to stand your ground, even if she is angry with you. Give her the gift of being angry and allow her to experience her emotions; they will pass quickly if you stop resisting them. Rub your hands together until they get hot and then move them so they are six inches apart. Can you still feel the connection between your hands? Thats like the connection between you and a woman. As your connection gets stronger, they will lean in to the point where your fingertips are touching, and then you may say something to trigger them or they will test you and lean away. You never know, but instead of playing tug-of-war with her, you dance with the dynamics.
How you respond to a womans energetic lean away and tests will determine how
successful you are with women.
Instead of making yourself wrong for causing their behavior, simply choose a dynamic to stand in, get curious with them. “I noticed you just seemed to pull away, is that true?” If they say “Yes,” ask them, “Whats that about?” That may be enough to have them lean back in. For other women, you might need to joke with them, playfully tease them, or get really bold and even challenge them. You may need to acknowledge them or connect with them. Whats funny is that this may cause them to lean away even more.
The most important thing is to pay more attention to the Attract -O-Meter then anything else. This means that you will have to learn how to dance between the dynamics to create more leaning in. As you get more grounded, present and fearless, youll become more intuitive about which dynamics to step into to create a stronger lean in. If you take anything from this section take this:
Unless you have a really strong lean in, do not ask them to take the next step with you!
In other words, the only time you ask her to take the next step with you, whether that be kissing her, getting her number, asking for a date—make sure you have a strong lean in. When the moment is right and she is leaning in, that is when you go for the kiss.
For more information about Dynamic Dating, please visit: www.innerconfidence.com/home.html
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