FEARING/RESISTING THE FEAR

Hear is a great reframe I want to share with you. I learned this in the IL Program of Landmark and its been a great tool ever since.

Lets look at fear. What is fear? Fear is defined as a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

The number one thing men fear is failure. What is the big deal about failure? Well, when you do something and fail to succeed, you always tell yourself the same thing afteward. “I failed” or “I am a failure.” Lets really look at this language. The word “I” implies yourself and you are a human being. So what your are really saying when you say “I failed,” is the “I” that is myself failed as a human being. In order to fail as a human being you must cease to be. Therefore, the only real way you can fail as a human being is to die.

So lets say your goal for the night was to go out and get five phone numbers from beautiful women. When the night ends, you end up with zero and you tell yourself, I am a failure with women! This is crazy!!!!! You didn’t fail, you simply had a breakdown in performance. You failed to perform the necessary tasks that it took to get 5 phone numbers. If you simply shift your context from “I failed” to “I had a breakdown in performance,” you will see massive results in a short period of time because you are taking fear out of the equation.

If I am your coach, and I asked why you didn’t get 5 phone numbers and you told me “I only talked to 3 women.” I am going to ask you if you are crazy. So rather then beating yourself up and calling yourself a failure, all you need to do is chance your actions so that next time, you will be more likely to fulfill on your intended outcome. Now that you are not afraid of failing, because it doesn’t exist, what is there to fear? Simply take the actions inline with your desired outcome and analyze your results. If they aren't up to par, change the actions. Simple huh?