How To Connect With Anyone

My girlfriend, Jamie and I used some basic theories of dating and network marketing to design this theory for meeting and attracting women. I hope you guys enjoy it!

What would your life be like if you could effectively create a connection with anyone you meet? How many more quality relationships and fun times would you have? How much would that put you ahead of the competition? What else would you be able to learn and analyze? The difficulty lies in creating a connection with someone who seems completely different then you... like you have nothing in common. This deals with 4 basic personality types categorized by earth, fire, water and wind. It's amazing how it can help you get what you want in all areas of your life.

Overview of the elements of personality:

Everybody has some of every element in them. People will give you clues and hints to show you how to most effectively communicate with them. “Treat them the way THEY want to be treated” Be observant. Everything you need to know is in their behavior. There are verbal clues as well as visual clues as to what their primary as well as secondary elements are.

Do not try to change yourself or others after hearing this information. Simply notice your strengths and weaknesses.

There are four basic elements. You will be way more effective in connecting with others when you connect with them in their element style. First you will want to determine what element you are. Then you want to learn how to pick out what someone else is.

Beware of “learned behaviors” these can throw you off when figuring our what element you or someone else is. A learned behavior is when the way you are most comfortable being doesn’t work. You take on new unfamiliar characteristics to make up for it or fix it. Sometimes you know you do these things and other times they become a major part of your personality. Sometimes these things are really incongruent and noticeably fake to other people, and other times they are people’s favorite thing about you.

How to determine which element you are:

Draw a horizontal line and on the top write “Indirect” and on the bottom write “Direct”. To give you some examples of each…

Direct people make decisions quickly, they talk quickly, drive quickly and they walk quickly. They like risk. They contribute to and sometimes dominate conversation without being asked. Direct people have lots of friends. They are more vocal about opinions and ideas then indirect people. They are more competitive then indirect people. They are more promiscuous then indirect people, animated when speaking, impatient, confrontational, and competitive.

Indirect people take their time to make decisions and they don’t like to be rushed and pressured. They don’t like risk. They tend to drive, talk and walk slower. They are more likely to listen or wait their turn instead of speaking during a group discussion. You have to ask questions to get them talking. Indirect people tend to have smaller groups of closer friends. They are easier going then direct people. They are more picky with who they speak with and they are not as animated when speaking. They are patient, non-confrontational, and cooperative.

So which are you?

Now Draw a vertical line and on the right write relationship oriented and on the left write task oriented. Here are some examples of each…

Relationship Oriented people show more excitement then the average person. They stop the task at hand to talk to a friend. They share feelings openly, more freely and they make decisions based on feelings. These people smile more and appear relaxed and easy going. They are more flexible about allocating their time, spontaneous and have a friendly handshake.

Task Oriented show excitement less then the average person. Make decisions based on fact and logic. Keep your feelings to yourself. They want to get down to business and the task at hand. Particular about time, don‘t like people wasting it. Appear to be more tense and expressionless. Structured. Firm handshake.

Which are you?

In the top left write water, in the bottom left write earth and in the top right write fire and in the bottom right write wood. Go with your first impression. No color is better then any other color. Sometimes realizing what your true colors are by their weaknesses is the most effective.

Here is an overview of each of the colors:

Water: Open/relationship oriented and Direct. 15% of population. If you look at the natural form of water, it can represent adaptability, changeable, fluidity with emotions. The main motivating factor is fun and excitement. These people like to talk and in a group they will be the first to speak. They are driven by fun and excitement and are very spontaneous, charming and persuasive. They are good story tellers and sometimes they get carried away. They laugh and tell jokes a lot. They are animated, flirtatious, easily bored and need constant stimulation. They seek approval and recognition.

Visual clues: They wear stylish, sometimes outrageous clothing and walk quickly. They smile and laugh a lot and hug and touch more then average. They use lots of expressions, they are distractible. They look fun and approachable. They always find ways to be the center of attention.

Verbal clues: Talk loud and fast. Laugh a lot. Lots of voice inflections and colorful words. You can’t get them to shut up, chatter on and on about anything or nothing. Joke a lot.

Main identifiable weaknesses: Disorganized. They exaggerate. Can appear ditsy and scatterbrained. Forgetful. Talk too much, can be obnoxious. Will take a conversation in all kinds of directions and often forget what the point is.

Earth: Open/relationship oriented and Indirect. 35% of population. Friendliest people on the planet. Make the best friends. Want to establish relationship first. Don’t try to seduce yellow first, take your time to get to know them. Like to help people and they love animals. Easy to start conversation with. Best quality lovers, they want candlelit dinners and quality time. Smile a lot. They want to give other people what they want.

Visual clues: Wear comfortable, loose clothing. Have a slower walking pace, may wander. Don’t appear to be in a hurry. They smile so much you might start smiling. Hug and touch a lot. Looks nice and very approachable.

Verbal clues: Speak slowly and softly with gentle tones. Will speak when asked or when they feel it is their turn. Sound friendly and warm.

Main identifiable weaknesses: Do anything to avoid confrontation, so people tend to walk all over them. Lack confidence. Take things personally and are sensitive. Easily buy others excuses.

Fire: self-contained/indirect. 15% of population. Motivated by challenge. Productive. Want to get to the point. Don’t like to beat around the bush. Good multi-taskers. Don’t hug these people. Think crying is dysfunctional. Like control. Don’t like small talk. Thrive on opposition. Huge egos. Spank, spank, rub (a technique) and negs work on reds. Won't let others know they are offended. Think they are the kings and queens.

Visual clues: Wear designer clothing or what looks like designer clothing. Look sharp and cold. Business like. Walk intentionally, doing many things at once. Looks busy and unapproachable.

Verbal clues: Fast and direct. Sounds business like and confident. Loud. Can sound like they are giving orders when they are not.

Main identifiable weaknesses: Think they are better then other people and they walk on and control people. Impatient. Procrastination. Can seem rude and pushy. Stubborn. Don’t listen well.

Wood: Self-contained/indirect. 35% of population. Don’t ever want to be wrong. Very detail and fact oriented. Analyze everything. Once they make a decision they stick with it. Not touchy feely. Value integrity. Want a specific schedule. Very neat and organized. Always have a plan and a backup plan. Efficient. Enjoys tasks that may seem mundane to others. Dependable.

Visual Clues: Wears appropriate clothing. Dress comfortable and business like. Walks deliberately and slower, always judging and analyzing. Relatively expressionless.

Verbal Clues: Speaks with slow monotone voice. Sounds structured and will use statements like "according to...". Quiet and precise with word choice. Emotionless.

Main identifiable weaknesses: Over-analyze. Too critical and cautious. Perfectionists. Skeptical and pessimistic. Have to be right. They will get revenge if they think you deserve it.

You have between a 65% to 85% chance (depending on your element) of NOT connecting with someone you meet simply because of differences in personality. If you can find a way to connect with someone in their style to "get in the door" and establish rapport, your differences will keep them attracted in the end. It's important to still be yourself, because you can only be someone else for so long before it blows up in your face. Whenever there is a miscommunication remember you are probably speaking different languages again.

(Give examples of common miscommunications between elements.)

Have you ever heard “opposites attract”? It’s true they do. The earths and fires tend to marry and the waters and woods tend to get married. No wonder why the divorce rate is so high! They don’t know how to give the opposite element what they truly desire. It doesn’t work to give them what you desire unless you are the same element, which usually kills attraction eventually anyway. Treat them the way they want to be treated. You will USUALLY be attracted to those with the opposite personality type, so it’s important to learn how to speak their language. You can learn how to effectively connect with any personality type.

WATER:
Be playful, flirty, and direct. (Give examples of this)
How to connect with a blue: FUN FUN FUN! Be the life of the party to get their attention. They like to be the center of attention, so encourage that and talks about how you noticed them. Speak quickly, bounce around to different subjects in no particular order (keeps them entertained). They want you to like them. Be spontaneous. If it’s not fun they don’t want any part of it. Water are the most likely to flake if they find something better to do. Get them talking about themselves and telling stories. And have some upbeat stories to tell them as well. These people are very passionate and excitable. If you think you are being too crazy and obnoxious around a blue you’re not. Especially if you are a wood. Paint a bright picture of fun things you can do together on future dates. Use hand gestures and voice inflections. Laugh and touch them in a playful way. Waters are natural flirts, so flirt back. Their main motivating factor is fun and recognition. Show them you like them. Talk about your accomplishments and ask them about theirs. Use feeling words and colorful adjectives.

Avoid: being too structured or systematic, detailed or logical. They are too right brained and don’t like that stuff. Avoid rigid rules. The worst thing you can do to a water is spoil their fun.
(Give example of connecting with a water.)

EARTH:
Be playful, sweet, and indirect. (Give examples of this)
How to connect with a earth: Be relaxed and laid back. Smile at everything. Be nice to their friends and anyone who comes by. Give them a genuine compliment with out embarrassing them in front of their friends and you’re in. Be open about your feelings and show them you trust them, they will trust you back easily. They want to be accepted by you. Earths are most likely to flake and not tell you because they feel bad. Speak slower and smile a lot, I know I already said that but it's important. Show them pictures of your family and friends. Talk about friends, relationships, helping people, animals, charities, etc. Don’t dominate the conversation, even though you may have to work to get them talking. Really listen to what they say. Be playful and sweet. Appreciate their big hearts. Talk about what you are really dedicated to in your life and what you really believe in. Be light hearted and pleasant. Talk about your family, their family... the waitress's family (ok not really). Show them you are safe.

Avoid: Coming on too strong, they don’t like pushy aggressive people. Conflict and chaos. The worst thing you can do is cause conflict that takes away their peace. Do not diss their friends under any circumstances.
(Give an example of connecting with a earth.)

FIRE:
Be challenging, important, and direct. (Give examples of this)
How connect with a fire: Challenge them and don’t back down when they challenge back (its good to back down eventually or you will fight all night, these are the most bull headed stubborn people on the planet). They respect strength and people who don't back down to them. Be blunt and confident. They want to respect them. Fires have no problem letting you know they aren't going to hang out with you; lesser flake ratio then waters and earths, but still make sure to set something up in their schedule. Show them you’re strong, and at the same time let them lead a little. Respect their independence do not smother them. No lovey-dovey stuff too soon, that goes for you too earths! Talk about recent conquests or competitions, and listen to theirs, they will tell you without you asking. Show them that you are an important and socially valuable person to talk to, like they will be more important if they talk to you. Be careful though, they can smell insecurity. Be quick with getting to the point, they are impatient and dislike slow people. Let them talk about themselves. It’s ok to make fun of them, on occasion. It’s ok to argue with them (they call it a debate).

Avoid: Beating around the bush, small talk with no point. Being too touchy feely in public. Don’t ever let them think you are trying to take advantage of them. Don't talk down to them. The worst thing you can do is waste their precious time.
(Give an example of connecting with a fire.)

WOOD:
Be witty, logical, and indirect. (Give examples of this)
How to connect with a wood: Be logical and precise. Stick with the point when speaking, don’t wander off topic, and don’t go too fast. Do things in order. Have logical information to back up your points and give them references of places to get more information on the subject. Get them talking about something they have recently analyzed. Think before you speak and be accurate with figures. DO NOT exaggerate. Woods are the least likely to flake as they love their schedule, just make sure you really schedule something in time with them. Ask them analytical questions about facts or anything you are genuinely wondering. Woods are well read. Even better, ask them about what they are studying, reading, or researching lately. Tell them they are right and have good information. Don't rely on their facial expressions or touching to know if they are interested, they are not into that. Make your dates detailed processes and give them an outline of what you are doing. It’s ok to be predictable, they don‘t like surprises. The more boring you think the conversation is the more they are probably enjoying it (especially if you are water). Give them things to figure out and take apart, it will keep them interested.

Avoid: Making them feel wrong or stupid. Don’t embarrass them. Being late or disorganized. The worst thing you can do is be irrational and ruin the “order” they work so hard for.
(Give an example of connecting with a wood.)

They key is vulnerability. (talk about that)

Don’t expect yourself to be 100% accurate when reading people with this system. Remember there are sub elements and that ultimately everyone has some of every element in them. There are only 2.5% water waters, and 2.5% fire fires, 5% earth earths, and 5% wood woods. Throughout their lives people develop “learned” ways of being. So there may be idiosyncrasies within the elements. For example (each give an example of how we have something way off about our personalities). This is a general guideline. Trust your instincts and the facts you have about someone.

BTW to those of you who haven't figured it out, my girlfriend is a fire-water and I am a earth-water. Till next time have a fun, competitive, peaceful, and fact-filled day!

Jamie & Robbie

Email us for more info about this at robbieandjamie@gmail.com